The Joys of Being a Camp Counselor

By Chris ‘Cosmo’ Glover

This post is about my time as a Camp Counselor way back in the olden days of 1989 at Camp Samac in Oshawa, Ontario, Canada.  This camp was owned by the Boy Scouts of Canada and was a gift to them by Colonel Sam McLaughlin, Oshawa’s most famous resident, in 1946.

In politics in 1989 Brian Mulroney was the prime minister of Canada, the Berlin wall came down, and Ronald Reagan was on his way to retirement.   Batman and Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade were the big hit movies that summer.  The number one songs that summer were Batdance by Prince, Waiting for You by Richard Marx and the New Kids on the Block were Hanging Tough and still are in 2011. Other stuff from that year includes the first GPS satellite is launched into space, the Simpson’s premiers, the Exxon Valdez hits a reef in Alaska causing the largest oil spill in American history, and the Calgary Flames win the Stanley Cup.

This is written more like an article than the usual stories I write here.   I wrote this back in 1990 for a high school Creative Writing class and I left it mostly just the way it was written then.  So there may be some references to that time you have to look up on the Internet.  For example I briefly mention an 80's band called The Cure.  This band was liked by moody kids who liked dressing in all black, wore heavy eyeliner and pretended as if they were very deep spiritually.

To those of you who shared this experience with me, I hope it brings back some memories.  Actually it may be required reading to stimulate those memories since it was…22…YEARS…AGO!!

Having just turned 40, I now look back on this time with a sense of satisfaction.  I remember having to lead the campfires in song, even though I hated signing.  I had to learn to make gimp bracelets very fast as they were the rage in 1989.   I only knew some of these people for that summer and didn’t really see them much after that.  However, I still tell my kids about the time I was a Camp Counselor.

This job really did shape me for years to come.  My famous quote for that summer was, “If I can make it through the summer, I can accomplish anything in life.”  So far this has born itself out many times over the last… 22…YEARS!! 

Watch for my new fictional story coming out in the next few weeks called, “ Grumpy Old Man Glover” which takes place at Camp Samac.

The Joys of Being a Camp Counselor

By Chris ‘Cosmo’ Glover - Written January 1990.

What kind of a person does it take to become a camp counselor?  The manual a camp counselor receives says that he/she must be a teacher, a doctor, judge, artist, actor and most of all a friend to all little people. 

Well I have another view.  They must possess two very important qualities.  They must have a world; no let’s make that a universe of patience and the ability to fight off the constant threat of insanity.

Apparently you have to be willing to change your name for the summer too.  My nickname was Cosmo.  I really just don’t want to discuss how I got that name.  Okay, apparently it was after Cosmopolitan because I have a thing for hair products and similar items like dry skin suntan lotion, skin sensitive bug spray, lip balm, softening foot lotion, eyeliner, etc.  Just kidding on the eye liner, I am not a Cure fan.

I was a camp counselor for one memorable summer and I’d like to share the many hardships that I endured, and I mean endured during the summer of 1989.  Okay, I am a bit of a dramatic whiner and exaggerator sometimes!   I’m seeking help for this.

LIVING CONDITIONS

The Lodge Where We Lived for the Summer

The cabins at Camp Samac were quite old and had seen many, many years of use by thousands of kids.  So they were a little beat up.  One thing I used to take for granted was my clean home.  After living at camp I thank God daily for the cleanliness of my house.  The cabin I lived in was dirty and putrid.  Most of the floors looked as if they were last cleaned in 1947.  The dirt had bred new generations of dirt. (Inspiration for my other story in this blog called The Cruddies.)The bathroom was a horror story all in itself.  Urine was the dominant smell with a hint of disinfectant thrown in and I stress hint.  Brushing my teeth was very difficult due to the continual gag reflex kicking in.  The showers were more like a trickle with hot water being a scarce commodity. 

The sleeping quarters also had a bad smell.  I think there were dead animals under the floor.  Besides the sheer filth, the mattresses were covered with a thick coating of grime and what was once a nice white with black pin stripe, was now a very off grey.  When somebody lives in conditions like these it can put a damper on their mental well being right from the start.    However, it's camp right, so maybe I should've accepted that part better. 

THE FOOD

The food! Ah yes we’ve all heard the stories about how bad camp food is.  Well I must admit the food at our camp was not too bad, except for two things.  The grease and fat content of the food must have driven my cholesterol levels to near fatal heights.  I also consumed about 3 kilograms of sugar per week as it was in all the drinks, sandwiches, etc.  However, that didn't stop me from eating second and thirds did it?  My pancreas, liver, colon and kidneys are still recovering from the sugar based fruit punch.  When kids eat like this it is inevitable that they’re going to be a tad wound up.  All…the…time!

OTHER COUNSELORS

One of the hardest things in life to do would have to be living with new people.  Especially when adjusting to living and working with ten other counselors.  Here is a little about some of them.

Snoozer was my boss and a veteran of the camp counselor wars.  She got her nickname because she had to power nap every few hours.  She was very energetic (probably due to all the napping) and fun to be around.

Eggy was a very serious person and because he was older than us liked to act like our father.  His nickname came from the fact that he looked a little like Humpty Dumpty.  I wonder if all the king’s men ever got around to fixing him.  Bad joke, sorry.

Cuddles was a very cute girl that I had a big crush on.  Not really a personality trait, but I just wanted to put that out there in case she ever reads this and wants to give me a call sometime.

Buzz was a friend of mine from grade school and was a pretty even headed guy who never caused any problems and went about his job quietly.   He had an addiction to music from The Who and The Doors, and as much as I liked both those groups, it was a tad over the top.

Cosmo and Buzz.  Looking thrilled after a hard week.  Sign says 'Will Work for Food'.

Mojo was a diplomat who was always trying to solve problems amongst the counselors.   We bonded pretty well and by the end of the summer we were taking our groups out together quite often.

Muffin was a loud mouthed, bossy bugger who drove me absolutely bonkers with his know it all attitude.

Sway was a quiet girl and one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. 

Last and least was Crumbs a chick whom I absolutely loathed because she was a spoiled rotten, little screaming witch.  Nuff said about that.

As you can see we had quite a mixture of personalities at camp but somehow we managed to make it through the summer relatively problem free.  I think this more than anything will prepare me for the real world of working where you are bound to encounter many different personalities.

THE KIDS

Well I can’t avoid it.  I’ve got to talk about the kids.  I know it’s going to be quite painful reliving those terrifying memories but it might be good to start the therapy process now.

On Sunday night when the kids arrived they were clean and well behaved children.  However, when their parents left, the evilness that lived inside some of them quickly emerged.  Not many of them were like this, but it only took a few bad apples to crush our spirits into tiny bits of sand that would wash into an ocean of despair.  Told you earlier I was a bit of a drama queen.

These bad kids did everything in their power to make our lives hell.  When we put them to bed they would talk and scream all night long no matter how many times we threatened them.  Did I say… threaten?   Oh, I meant try to calm them down nicely.  Unfortunately our sleeping area was attached to theirs so the male counselors got very little sleep.  I won’t even go into having to clean up after all the bed wetting.

Eating meals with a bunch of hooligans is a disgusting act that no real human should endure.  These kids either had no real table manners to begin with or just didn’t use them when they came to camp.  (This was the inspiration for yet another story called Mannerland in this blog.)  They would burp, yell, fart, spit out food, do the seefood trick a lot, throw food, spill food, shove food up their nose, dissect food, ….you get the picture.

The most often repeated phrase by a camper was, “I don’t want to do that.  It’s boring.”  Followed by me saying, “I don’t want to kill you, because I don’t like jail, but I’m seriously considering it.”  Darn, I have to stop putting these disturbing thoughts on paper.

I went out of my mind trying to amuse these sweet little darling bleepin bleeps with games and crafts.  The only thing they liked to do was swim, even if penguins could be spotted poolside in the morning.  That year they also liked to make something called gimp bracelets. 

I have nightmares about making gimp bracelets!  Look how small those things are!

These were plastic strips woven together in an intricate pattern that required incredible dexterity.  Since I have sausages for fingers I found this challenged my sanity that routinely ran for cover in the depths of my soul.  Exaggerating again! I am ever so sorry for that.

I found myself several times resisting the urge to throttle some of the little rackin, frackin… errr…. ahhh… I mean some parent’s wonderful offspring.  Oh forget it, I can’t really sugar coat this part can I.  During one memorable water fight in which I was supposed to be on my afternoon break I was electrocuted by a stray water balloon while listening to my ghetto blaster.  I was not amused.

Buzz contemplating what to do with his last nerve.

I must admit that once in awhile a kid or two in my group turned out to be pretty good and they were fun to be around.  We had many wonderful days of playing in the glowing sunshine with the smell of pine trees filling my nostrils and the birds singing their tunes of joy……..  Sorry! You’re not buying this for one minute, are you?

Believe it or not some good things did come out of this experience.  My famous quote for the summer was, “If I can make it through the summer, I can accomplish anything in life.”  I truly believe this to be true.  The friendships I made with some of the other counselors were very important to me.  Most of all I am still relatively sane or so I think. 

Looney Tunes said it best, “Badeep, badeep, ‘That’s All Folks!’

Celebrating the last day.  As you can see we were quite happy or had gone completely crazy judging by some of the strange posing going on.